What The Hell Happened To — ?

a deeper dive into dave When I started this blog, eight years ago, I was thinking something like: "This is my fifteen minutes of fame! Clear the decks! Clear the tracks! You got nothin' to do but relax! And yes, Sondheim gave me permission! "I will regale everyone with my hilarious stories of my shambolic …

Joy to the World, Unless You’re Dead

In which case, congratulations Merry Coronadays, readers! Are you dead yet? No? What’s holding you up, and what can I do to encourage you? Because the latest stats show that you should be, with a standard deviation of ±3 percentage points. Get with the program and do your part, so everyone can be right about …

Ministress of Silky Sheen

Plus: Where the fuck is Kamala Oojamacallit? CANADIAN FINANCE MINISTER, Deputy Prime Minister in a pinch, something to do with Alberta for a couple of days but it didn’t work out, Justin Trudeau's Official BFF Next to Sophie-Grégoire, and Dry-Cleaning Picker-Upper without portfolio Chrystia Freeland delivered her budget speech on April 19, 2021, after performing …

Aubade du vieux désagréable / (Morning Song of the Horrible Old Man)

Just - desserts... I’m old, I’m bold,Unnaturally cold,I won’t behave as I’ve been told. My greasy dishes fill the sink—I’d rather dally with a twink. Parquet burnt with cigarettesWon’t get me listed in Debrett’s Kawartha ice cream by the quartIs felony, but not a tort I sleep till noon and mock your ethic:Wage slavery is …

Monthly Mayhem, Again

my occasional caustic, unapologetically subjective, and very eclectic digest of all the news that gives me fits when it’s in print Let’s take stock. How is the world doing these days? It’s been on fire! Australia just couldn’t stop burning, nor could the west coast of Canada and the US, with entire towns wiped out, thousands …

Alice Munro’s Kraft Dinner

Something's afoot. In Walleye, Quiltingsnatsch County. And Alice Munro's damn well going to tell us about it. 1. Starting With the Dream Sequence-ness. My mother, Serena Addlecrone, dreamt that she was a newly-wed again, looking out the window at the backyard of her childhood home in Walleye, Ontario—but something was wrong. She could recall that …

Facebook Life Event # 738: Did Totally The Same Kinds of Things I’ve Done Before.

Today, I did totally the same kinds of things I've done before. Whoah, deep breaths! This one's gonna be a game-changer! I started my day with coffee and a cigarette. As you can imagine, I was so pumped, coffee was sloshing in my cup like I was Kate Winslet in the final CGI-generated moments of …

United Corona States of America

behind every great man... The White House, just before the putsch "Hey Mel. Mel? Yeah, vhat? Mel? Is that you? I can't hear too good on this baby intercom thing. What? What was that? Jeezus. Couldn't you just, I dunno. Uber me, like, over to the Hilton? Donald. Dahlink. Is four in morning. Is it …

Monday Man-Crush # 4: Hasan Minhaj

Hotter than vindaloo, American as apple pie Hasan Minhaj Yes, indeed, it's time once again for me to thrust my sexuality down your throats in the form of a putative hetero male whose tidal wave of testosterone wakes me from my half-dead torpor, sets my jowls a-jigglin', makes my sap run sweet like a frisky …

Meritocracy? That’s Rich!

playing fair is one luxury the privileged can't afford AS A LOYAL READER OF THIS BLOG, YOU will of course be aware that I've previously come out as favoring rubies. Mmmm, rubies! Let's be absolutely sure we're on the same page, here: I'm talking great, honking, shameless clusters of square-cut rubies with lots and lots …