I Think I Have The Gift of Prophecy

but I'll have to confirm that tomorrow Every morning, after I have my first cup of instant coffee, perform my daily genuflection at the altar of Reason then prostrate myself before the fount of Truth, I undergo a startling transfiguration. With hair sprouting from my palms and earlobes, and beset by paroxysms of phlegmy smokers' … Continue reading I Think I Have The Gift of Prophecy

Joy to the World, Unless You’re Dead

In which case, congratulations Merry Coronadays, readers! Are you dead yet? No? What’s holding you up, and what can I do to encourage you? Because the latest stats show that you should be, with a standard deviation of ±3 percentage points. Get with the program and do your part, so everyone can be right about … Continue reading Joy to the World, Unless You’re Dead

Skipping rhymes of Gen Z

These kids are the future. Assuming we have one. I’VE BEEN UNDERCOVER IN MY SAILOR SUIT AND adorable Hudson’s Bay dress shorts (available in Québec only in polyester, due to the current shortage of “pure laine;” nous sommes très très fucking désolés), chatting about Dr Seuss and reminiscing about The Friendly Giant with unsuspecting school-age Gen Zed-ers as … Continue reading Skipping rhymes of Gen Z

We Sincerely Hope Our Election Won’t Disturb Your Sleep …

... plus: Facebook is the idiot-maker. Carolyn Strom, R.N.: Self-made victim of the Facebook justice system. IT BEING MY BIRTHDAY COMING UP and all, I treated myself, as one does, to a little bit of narcissistic self-analysis, in the form of the Myers-Briggs personality test. The Myers-Briggs personality test is perfect for when you've gotten … Continue reading We Sincerely Hope Our Election Won’t Disturb Your Sleep …

SCANDAL!? Nothing we can’t handle!

The SNC-Lavalin ruckus isn't really about SNC-Lavalin—it's about Justin. Gather around, boys and girls, as once again I pull my granddad pants up into my armpits and hook my Walter Brennan thumbs behind my suspenders. I've just awakened from a forty-eight-hour afternoon nap, which is why I'm so annoyingly perky, and though the time is … Continue reading SCANDAL!? Nothing we can’t handle!

In which I get all squishy about Melania.

somebody has to. I've had a most instructively contrary twenty-four hours and damn it, I mean to share. I've bashed my erstwhile Monday Man-Crush, The-Person-Called-Trudeau (I didn't mean it, baby, it must have been the string beans, honest!) in broad daylight on The Guardian's website (on the other hand you never picked up your cell, … Continue reading In which I get all squishy about Melania.

Monday Man-Crush –OR– How to make a Libtard hard! Top 4 most jaw-dropping Justin Trudeau pictures ever, revealing his Canadian secret of success that is so awesome! Unbelievably??! cute!!?

September 2016 It's my birthday, and I am donning my tightest skinnies - no Kleenex-stuffing necessary, thank you very much, first in line - plus my "Only Gay In The Village" red sleeveless top in preparation for my man-crushing on this week's and every week's hunka hunka burnin' PM,  Justin, The-Person-Called-Trudeau. With a bitter yet … Continue reading Monday Man-Crush –OR– How to make a Libtard hard! Top 4 most jaw-dropping Justin Trudeau pictures ever, revealing his Canadian secret of success that is so awesome! Unbelievably??! cute!!?