In which case, congratulations Merry Coronadays, readers! Are you dead yet? No? What’s holding you up, and what can I do to encourage you? Because the latest stats show that you should be, with a standard deviation of ±3 percentage points. Get with the program and do your part, so everyone can be right about … Continue reading Joy to the World, Unless You’re Dead
(to be sung à la Woody Guthrie, in the key of "Mi, mi, mi, mi—MI!") I hate those PC leftiesOur freedom is destroyed By using a respectful wordDisgruntled white guys feel absurd What's wrong with good ol' English namesOur ancestors deployed? CHORUS: My daddy is a "Paki,"My mother is a "kike"My sister, she's a "cripple" … Continue reading Lament of the Increasingly Irrelevant White Guy
Forget the Plague, the next gen has to process less-predictable horrors HERE I AM, STILL UNDERCOVER at the Acme Prep School, disguising myself with chocolate milk moustaches, playing with Dinky Toys at recess and praying the Grade Ones to Eights don't notice. The things I do for this blog! If I have to choke down … Continue reading Skipping Rhymes for Gen-Z, #2
Let's burn the rest of them down, too. Please—don't pray for us. YES, GENTLE READERS, TODAY'S THEME IS "disasters, real or imagined" and to kick off, I must apologize for my absence from these bloggy parts during the last few weeks. You know how much I crave your attention, and the very quickest among you … Continue reading I’m Just So Very Much NOT Hysterical About Notre-Dame de Paris
... I'd probably be ashamed to admit it. As I was lounging on my balcony this evening, listlessly picking at the plate of shoestring potatoes I'd prepared for myself, and watching the rainy wind plaster shredded pieces of tissue, and pages from NOW Magazine covered with pictures of naked women, and empty Cheetos bags onto … Continue reading If I had any idea who Tucker Carlson was…
David discovers homophobia under the right's opposition to the Ontario sex education curriculum; and wonders if the AIDS crisis of the '80's and the death of an older generation of gay male mentors is the real reason for a douchebag generation of the sexually awful.
twenty-five years with the possibility of parole Bruce McArthur will be 91 when he is able to apply for parole. CREDIT: Pam Davies/CBC Bruce McArthur, the serial killer who targeted gay men in Toronto from 2010 to 2017 — yes, for eight years — and who evaded capture even after being brought in for questioning as a suspect in 2013, … Continue reading How Much is a [Gay] Life Worth?
DEAR MR. BEZOS: YEAH, SO. JUST READ the descriptions of those pics the National Enquirer got their hands on, and should Amazon customers see them — which would clearly be in their best interest — they would, quite frankly, question your business judgment. I certainly do! I do also have just a few really quite minor suggestions about your … Continue reading This is How You Blackmail Jeff Bezos, Guys
Hi, I'm like, Susan Dreamy? D.D? That's Doctress of Dreaminess, OK? And I'm here today to help you live a dreamy, Life? Also to talk to you about the things that are really, really, Like, important? OK? So let's get, like, started? So Dug-Up Ford and like, the Conservatives in Ontario, have, like. Your kids best interests. At … Continue reading Keep your kids, like. Ignorcent?! (TM) with Dug-Up Ford and Susan Dreamy, D.D.
I mean, normally that's YOUR job, gentle and misguided reader. But I'll give you the day off from following my EULA to the very letter. You deserve this not for any action on your part - puhLEEEASE! - but because I have triumphed over the forces of darkness that have been swirling around my ankles … Continue reading Planting little kisses all over my face in the mirror…