Sorry to SHOUT BUT I'M REALLY EXCITED! Oh, fuck I started SHOUTING AGAIN BUT I CAN'T HELP IT! Really, really sorry about my lack of control. But it's not every day that you PUBLISH A PAPERBACK !!!. Oh, god. This is really embarrassing. Just try to bear with me as I tell you a little … Continue reading We have PAPERBACK! + REVIEW offer
ÉMILE ISCOFFATYEU: Today's, like, super-gourmet chick-magnet nosh is: Refrigerator-preserved "Guggenheim" limes™ with Char-grilled cinders of Dempster's bagel™ Fuckin' A, zut alors ! Ingredients: 2 limes (round green thing found at Loblaws) 1 bagel (round brown thing with a hole in the middle found at Loblaws, not to be confused with the round brown things with … Continue reading Cooking for Str8 Dudes #543 (with guest blogger Émile Iscoffatyeu, world-renowned personal chef and chick-magnet)
... while I haul back, preparatory to bitch-slapping the year formerly known as Little Miss 2015 from here to Des Moines and back. Hasta la vista, withered old putana of a year, and go dance your hobnail-booted habañera on someone else's empañada! Be it ever so faint, the next sound you hear will be my chapped, whitish lips - and believe me when … Continue reading New Year’s Resolutions +plus+ : Step aside and don your catcher’s masks…
Yes, it's nostalgia time here at slowpainful dot com, and this of course means I'm going to fob you off with repurposed material. Never, and believe me when I say it, NEVER forget how good I am to you. The first barrel of crude comes courtesy of, you guessed it, my fracking source of choice for black, sticky narcissism, Facebook. … Continue reading Memory Lane, c/o The Little Cottage with the Delphiniums, Cabbagetown, Toronto.
Never forget how good I am to you. Deal? First off, let this be my official announcement: There's an idée fixe that's been taking up WAY too much of my mental real estate. So, to make way for more positive, healing thoughts, let me say that I am DONE DONE DONE with posting my - … Continue reading Done Done Done! PLUS: “The Kytt-yger!” + Fun Facts About Literary Icons #14