Facebook Life Event # 738: Did Totally The Same Kinds of Things I’ve Done Before.

Today, I did totally the same kinds of things I've done before. Whoah, deep breaths! This one's gonna be a game-changer! I started my day with coffee and a cigarette. As you can imagine, I was so pumped, coffee was sloshing in my cup like I was Kate Winslet in the final CGI-generated moments of … Continue reading Facebook Life Event # 738: Did Totally The Same Kinds of Things I’ve Done Before.

Ten Weird Things I Do

(I could have said “adorable things,” but then would you have clicked? There you go. Also, in case you’re visiting from Elon Musk’s new condo development on Callisto — Ganymede is SO last year — and haven’t noticed, attention spans have shrunk like boiled wool, and I figured that one syllable was the limit. How … Continue reading Ten Weird Things I Do

The “Gay Agenda” finally Revealed

click on the image to reveal the horror Yes, it's true. The social conservatives were right: there's a culture war. We gays have been planning it since, oh, since we were comparing make-up on the school playground. We just want to make sure that there's a new, fresh crop of gay kids so there'll always … Continue reading The “Gay Agenda” finally Revealed

Just getting up from the Ditch of Despond and climbing back onto the Carousel of Crazy: An overview

Hello, many of you have written to ask if I'm OK. Actually, that's a blatant lie, not a single one of you has written, sent a message in an old Shiraz bottle, hired a bird from "Carrier Pigeons Plus" or done any of those "too busy to express how little I care but spending a portion … Continue reading Just getting up from the Ditch of Despond and climbing back onto the Carousel of Crazy: An overview

My bedroom is a portal to Hell +PLUS+ Carole King has much to answer for

Welcome, campers, to my first official blog post of 2016, and I have to say, I'm  absolutely choughed (rhymes with "choughed") that so many thousands of you have written to me care of 392 Sherbourne, my squalid Toronto basement-in-the-sky, thanking me for my online efforts over the past year and a half. Actually that's a blatant lie, no one … Continue reading My bedroom is a portal to Hell +PLUS+ Carole King has much to answer for

I’m flippant, now take me seriously.

Just to make sure your heads keep spinning slowly like the restaurant in the CN Tower, I occasionally change tack and go all serious on you.  If my suspicions are correct, and they are at least once a decade, this probably happens just at the moment you've finally decided never to expect anything from me except sophomoric toilet humor at … Continue reading I’m flippant, now take me seriously.

Sacramento! and other useful California expressions, PLUS: Great big flying PUSSY !

In mere HOURS I'm off to surely-to-god-it's-got-to-be-warmer-than-here California for a sojourn in Sacramento. I say "sojourn" because that's the word Joan Didion would use, she being after all Sacramento's most famous export. And when in doubt about what word to use or how generally to proceed, I always check my "What Would Joanie Do? Nurturing … Continue reading Sacramento! and other useful California expressions, PLUS: Great big flying PUSSY !

Slight blip in my Neo-Paleo/Vegan high-fat/low-carb combo diet.

Enjoying my new diet: Neo-Paleolithic high-fat in the morning, low-carb/vegan in the afternoon. I figure combining them will have an exponential effect on my weight loss (I need to lose the adipose tissue around my upper lip before I look good in that jersey number). For lunch I enjoy hearty Italian sausage on fried bread … Continue reading Slight blip in my Neo-Paleo/Vegan high-fat/low-carb combo diet.

Yes, friends. It’s time for : GAY WALK OF SHAME # 47

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury:  I give you Exhibit A.  And I know what you're thinking: With finely-draped plaid shorts like these, those ketchup-stained, armpit-hiked old-age trousers from Gap are all but inevitable; There is incipient male camel-toe, that little-mentioned yet classic mark of future whoredom, apparent in the saggy yet suggestively prominent v-marked crotch; And … Continue reading Yes, friends. It’s time for : GAY WALK OF SHAME # 47