Author: David Roddis

I am the old, gay white guy your parents warned you about. When I say "old," I mean "in my early sixties," which is bad enough; but as one of the last gasp baby-boomers you can be sure I'm voting for the upgrade that goes "seventy is the new cryogenically-frozen." If you want to be my friend, please do not use the word "spry" or say, "I bet you were a looker when you were young!" I can still bitch-slap you so hard you'll be explaining to your grandkids about the permanent, angry red imprint of my hand on your cheek. Just pray that I remove the clusters of cabuchon-cut emeralds first (and thanks to my close friend "the big O" for that incident management tip). I write. Writing is the old fashioned thing where you put well-considered words one after the other to form coherent ideas and spark intelligent conversations. Sometimes laughter. If you can take something as serious as your own life less seriously, you'll be a whole lot easier to spend time with, and that's verbatim from the staff at the Summerhill LCBO. Despite the fake nose and plastic moustache on alternate days, no one is fooled. I know that helping me is probably like priority number one on your trial version of "WhatEVERRRly" and I have a solution for that as well. Visit my blog @ slowpainful.com and comment, share or rate my articles ; and follow the links there to visit my online store; purchase my book / review my book. Any of those things will be more helpful than if you sent me a cheque directly. Glad you stopped by. Seriously. PS: But could you, you know. Still send the cheque?

The Poor Get Poorer, the Rich Get Kardashian

Kim's making history, just not the kind she intended... Q: How many narcissists does it take to sew Kim Kardashian into Marilyn's “Happy Birthday, Mister President” dress? A: That's weird... I could have sworn I heard the sound... of someone else's.... voice...? Ukraine? What war in Ukraine? That's sooooo last week! Our attention spans, like … Continue reading The Poor Get Poorer, the Rich Get Kardashian →

Support My Work in Style

If you enjoy this blog, and it's my sincere hope that you get a provoked thought or a hearty laugh from these virtual pages now and again, here's your chance to support my work in style. Here's the first in what will be a new collection of tees featuring some of my best illustrations. Today's … Continue reading Support My Work in Style →

I Think I Have The Gift of Prophecy

but I'll have to confirm that tomorrow Every morning, after I have my first cup of instant coffee, perform my daily genuflection at the altar of Reason then prostrate myself before the fount of Truth, I undergo a startling transfiguration. With hair sprouting from my palms and earlobes, and beset by paroxysms of phlegmy smokers' … Continue reading I Think I Have The Gift of Prophecy →

My First Hook-Up in Ottawa Got a Little Out of Hand

just another, good ol' Canadian « exposition de merde » ! Hey followers, hangers-on and random stumblers-upon, sorry I’ve been MIA but it’s hard work fending off all the convoy dudes with one hand tied behind my back and a can of Molson in the other. Yeah, that was all my fault, that snafu in … Continue reading My First Hook-Up in Ottawa Got a Little Out of Hand →

COVID-19 Pandemic and Racism Endemic Have F**ked the Funny Out of Me

Save me from myself, please! As I descend into a possibly terminal state of Toxic Earnestness on a pikestaff "BEST OF MY BLOG" Here I revisit a strangely still-relevant post from July, 2020. Mice still scurry, cockroaches practice their tight-rope walking, Karens still shriek and white people are still wastes of skin in Range Rovers. … Continue reading COVID-19 Pandemic and Racism Endemic Have F**ked the Funny Out of Me →

The Pandemic: An Unprecedented Opportunity To Profit From Disaster

Humans have spent at least fifty percent of their lifetimes—starting from that day when Throg first saw Scrog wearing a new kind of fur jacket, clubbed him over the head, then took it—wondering a couple of things: Why am I here and if I pretended to be in contact with Wilbur, the Great Caribou in … Continue reading The Pandemic: An Unprecedented Opportunity To Profit From Disaster →